So, it seems I have survived another Christmas. And yes, this makes me want to jump for joy!! The feeling of dread has lifted but only to be replaced with anxiety of wondering what lies ahead in the 2020.
Christmas itself was uneventful apart from succumbing to the unwelcome cold that is running its course up and down the country. The gang all seemed happy with their gifts even though I did beat myself up over the fact that I couldn’t give more. 21 reassured me that I had done enough and that she and her siblings all understand how difficult things are.
25,21,18 and 18 all joined in with games after the turkey feast was over and after dropping 25 home the others dispersed to their rooms. 21 reappeared in time for Gavin & Stacey which we watched together.After watching to see if Phil Mitchells head would actually explode I then took myself off to bed.
This is when I had my meltdown.
How much longer do I have to struggle to provide for my family? Why can I not find a job that pays me more than the minimum wage? How do I get through every day wondering if that day will be the day that my Dad is taken by his terminal illness?
After spending an hour or so sobbing into my pillow I decided to mentally list the things that make me happy to try and lift my mood.The following is what I thought of:
- My kids and their warped sense of humour
- My beautiful dogs
- Music , louder the better
- Birds singing
- New found Twitter buddies( have laughed so much )
- Bob ( my lovely friend )
So now, having survived Christmas I am going to try to have a more positive outlook on 2020. I know it won’t be easy but I’m going to give it a good go, starting with going back to a Yoga classs this week and continuing to interact with my new Twitter buddies. Virtual friends are my happy right now.
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS !!